this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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