Whatcha textin bout Willis?
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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