you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Randomize
