I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
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