i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
