but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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