Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize