honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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