like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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