Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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