I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
