it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize