when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Just high enough for therapy.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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