I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Randomize
