I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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