I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Randomize
