It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize