I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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