he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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