my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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