Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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