The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
