I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
