I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
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