If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
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