She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
