he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
