carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
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