in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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