dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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