I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Randomize
