Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Randomize
