Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
