I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Randomize
