I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize