So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
