I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Randomize
