I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
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