I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Randomize
