Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize