first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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