I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
They have beer where we have blood.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
