No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Randomize
