I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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