I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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