A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Randomize
