Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
