So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
