i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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