It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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