that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Randomize
