I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
