We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
