peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
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