So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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