they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
