She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize