Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
please don't ironically join a cult
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