and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize