i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Randomize
