I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Farmville is her only friend.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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