Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Randomize
