I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Randomize
