the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
