giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
