just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
