I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
