ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Randomize
