if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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